ah, i’m dumb and panic too easily.
i already feel a bit better.
i am NOT going to fast for 2 weeks.
i don’t really know what i’m doing, honestly.
i still want to be 100 by christmas,
but i should stop thinking of this as punishing myself.
which is what i used to do before, and that always made it worse.
i’m different now.
i’m not afraid to think i deserve things
(i used to think i had to deprive myself of everything,
because i thought i was worthy of nothing but self-hatred.)
i want to get better in the sense that
i want this to feel good. i want this to feel rewarding.
not like before. i don’t want to go back there, ever.
