July 2011
4 posts
the funny thing is, this time around, i don’t hate myself. i don’t hate life, i’m not angry or resentful, i don’t want to hurt anyone, not even myself.
before, i wanted to be sick. i yearned for it. i wanted to be taken care of, i wanted to stop time. i wanted a reason to rest.
this time, i just want to be skinny and proud. power power power. that’s all i want.
...
i hate this. i’m eating so much. it doesn’t matter if i purge because in the end, i’m still eating.
i’m glad the purges hurt. they should hurt, i deserve it.
i’m about 103 right now. 2 weeks ago i was 110.
i ate half a peach. purged it. told myself not to eat, then ate a saltine. bent over immediately and purged.
then an egg souffle (140 cal). purged less than half. it just wouldn’t come up. swore at myself all the while. why the fuck did i eat that?
but i wasn’t done. a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter. purged as much of it as i...
7 tags
back again.
i promised myself i wouldn’t be doing this anymore. but whatever. anyhow, i’m starting a fast tomorrow and would love to have a fasting buddy to text!! i live in the US, btw.
if you’re interested, just drop a note in my ask. :]